Galaxy-Building Stimulus Packages

21 05 2009

Now this brings us to that most collossal waste of Imperial tax-payers money in recent Galactic times (or possibly a long, long time ago, depending on when you are reading this!!), the Imperial Death Star.

 

death star

Not content with the domination of most of the habitable galaxy the Imperial Government embarked on this essential infrastructure/defence spending white elephant during what was obviously a painful and protracted galactic economic depression. I mean, even DIY droids made by nine year old water farmer’s sons were hot property, as previously highlighted. So deep was this depression that Imperial Commanders were borrowing remodelled German SS uniforms from the mid 20th Century, Star Cruisers were universally stripped of their curtain budgets and by the sounds of Darth Vader’s characteristically raspy voice, even Ventolin was a rare commodity in these times.

Nevertheless, this government saw fit to embark on the most ambitious building and defence program the galaxy had even seen: a ray gun the size and approximate shape of a planet! Now the engineers should have been sacked for similar reasons that airconditioning installers were sacked in the 20th Century when a slew of movies showed just how possible it actually was to infiltrate the most secure of establishments through airconditioning ducts. In truth, the Death Star had channels the width of Olympic swimming pools leading to a nuclear core which was only ever going to end in tears (and twenty trillion pieces).

In characteristic defiance, the rebel alliance might have urged a cash package which might have given every stormtrooper enough for a holiday on Bespin and enough exotic alcoholic beverages to get over the irritating fact that their substandard weapons were routinely thwarted by old men in brown dresses. The economy may have improved and maybe even the droid markets recovered to more affordable levels. At the very least, it would have left a great many stormtroopers in no fit state to use their guns to plug any more permanent orifices into Rebel forces the next day in a surprise attack.

Some blamed the economic circumstances on the despotic and tyrannical megalomania of the Emperor but I suspect it was the more benign political intent to get the unions off his back. Fortunately for him, there were more than a few senior union Workplace Health and Safety representatives on the ill-fated Death Star incident(s).

So as tough as things get here in Australia, we should always take the time to consider that some bugger somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away always has it worse off than us.

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One response

22 05 2009
Brandon Barr

Ha 🙂 Loved this! And what a great line…surely someone, somewhere has it worse, and we can hold our heads up because of it.

Great post.

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